A man finds a four leaf clover in his morning newspaper, walks to the window to see his wife one last time before he puts a gun to his head and pulls the trigger. And we're off. Rubicon is a conspiracy/spy drama baked in the mold of such 70s classics as All The Presidents Men.
Will Travers (James Badge Dale) is a brilliant analyst at an Intelligence Think Tank based in New York City. Haunted to this day by the death of his wife and son at the sight of the 9/11 attacks he lives a lonely and unhappy life. His whole existence is a world of codes and intelligence reports.
Events spin out of control when Will uncovers signs of a conspiracy and reports them to his supervisor and friend David Hadas (Peter Gerety). People start dying, men in black start following Will, and Will has no idea who to trust.
Rubicon sets a deliberate and relentless pace. In today's Mountain Dew world this show stands out like a neon light for all of its lack of flash. The story cooks in a crock pot rather than being fried in pan.
Visually the show has more dimly lit scenes than I have ever seen. It gives it a very old feel, which is enjoyable to watch. Same with the audio, entire scenes play out with little or no background music. It is amazing how much you notice the lack of noise while you watch this show.
AMC is on a hot streak lately, and this show might be the best one yet. It is still early, but so far I think Rubicon might give Mad Men a run for its money. Do yourself a favor this Sunday and tune into AMC an hour early when you watch Mad Men.
Watch Letterman try to make Leno cry on Monday. I read a rumor on-line that Leno made a stink about Brian Williams going on Letterman since he is a fellow NBC employee. Letterman takes it.... like Letterman usually does.
If there is one fad I hope never fades away it is America's recent obsession with superheroes. No Ordinary Family plays like an adult version of The Incredibles. It has the great family dynamic, the cool super heroes, but ditches the silly kid crap. Or, to put it simply, it reminds me of The Fantastic Four.
The pilot does a fantastic job of running through the origin story without turning the first episode into a boring fact finding mission. It touches on all the necessary elements you would see in any comic book. Checklist time:
1 - Genesis of powers (beautifully far-fetched, as always) 2 - Awkward learning to deal with powers phase (ooops! I just tore the fridge door off!) 3 - Learn to kick ass 4 - Fight some fucking crime
But every sci-fi show lives or dies by its special effects budget, which fortunately appears to be no issue here. Not too spoil too much but their representation of a character with super speed is the best I have ever seen on movie or television.
Michael Chiklis picks up right where he left off on The Shield. Brimming with charisma and impossible to dislike he plays the patriarch, Jim Powell. Having traded in his badge and gun for a suspect sketching book he is still fighting crime even before his powers manifest. It is fun to see him playing a more sensitive and softer character after his tour de force run as Vic Mackey.
The rest of the cast is equally pleasing. Julie Benz (Dexter, Rambo, The Punisher) is beautiful as always as the driven mother, Stephanie Powell. I am surprised she took this role, from her previous work I assumed she had a minimum bloodshed clause in her contracts. Romany Malco (who I will always remember as R.O.M. of College Boyz fame) plays a great best friend to Michael Chiklis, as well as eye candy for the ladies according to a female friend. And hot off her big run on Entourage Autumn Reeser plays a co-worker to Stephanie Powell. I have had a crush on this girl ever since I first laid eyes on her on The O.C.
I personally cannot wait for this show to hit the air. So far no one has managed to make one of these superhero genre TV shows go the distance. (Smallville doesn't count, it sucks, and it relies on the built in fan base of Superman.) Obviously it is a little early to judge how this one will do over the long haul, but I think it looks promising. Plus, I never bet against Vic Mackey.
I am clearly a bit late on this one, but what a show. Not only is Denis Leary a far better dramatic actor than I expected, he actually writes nearly every episode. I guess I missed the memo that this guy is actually more than a B-List comedian.
I started this series three weeks ago and just blasted through over nearly six full seasons in three weeks, and all I can say is what a ride. First of all, this is the second most depressing show I have ever seen (Six Feet Under being the Babe Ruth of television depression) yet somehow mixes in enough comedy and action to keep me from slitting my wrists after a four episode binge.
Secondly, Leary can really fucking act. I loved him in The Ref (watch it every Christmas along with Scrooged, which probably means I need therapy), but I just thought he was being Denis Leary. I had no idea he had these kind of chops. I am a sucker for an actor who successfully conveys emotion without speaking and Leary has mastered this. On top of that he has that rare "Gandolfini" type charisma. He is so likable you actually root for him to get away with cheating on his wife or whatever despicable thing he is up to this week.
Third, it is a show about fire fighters. It is easy to resent most public servants. "This cop gave me a ticket." Or "Those lazy bureaucrats at city hall don't work hard enough." But let's face it, everyone loves a fire fighter. These guys are rushing into a burning building to save people at least a couple of times a year. I have never saved someones life before, and would be thrilled to do so just once before I die. It is a job that is purely about serving your fellow man, it is a beautiful thing that represents the best in man.
Lastly, as someone who has struggled with a drinking problem, this show NAILS it. The longing glances as his buddies play quarters. The excuses as he tries to justify drinking again ("I'm just drinking wine now.", been there done that). And just the flat out insane decisions he makes to feed his addiction. I was actually shocked to find out that Denis Leary is not an alcoholic the way he captures this daily battle on the screen. It is refreshing to see something on television that portrays exactly what I am going through on a daily basis.
If you haven't watched this yet, the first three seasons are streaming on Netflix as I write this. Great cast, (particularly fond of Daniel Sunjata and John Scurti), fantastic writing, and just plain entertaining. Who doesn't want to see a bunch of fire and hot broads?
Honestly, could this poll have turned out any other way? As a youngster raised by a single mother Cliff Huxtable was the dad I never had. Funny, kind, wise, what more could you ask for? To this day if I am clicking through the channels and find an episode of The Cosby Show on I can't turn it off.
I considered adding more fathers to this poll but let's face it, these two titans of paternity are head and shoulders over the rest of the competition. Whether someone broke your nose with a football, or you just wanted a tasty hoagie, these two fathers of the ages had all the answers.
Well the results are in and I am pleased to say that most of you watch Mad Men. Well done. There were a few people who had slipped, like myself and watch both. I won't judge you, it is an addiction and I am right there with you. Who knows where one of these guidos is going to punch each other. I thought my Irish brethren were the biggest knuckleheads in the world, but I stand corrected.
And here we have the video which "inspired" the Jersey Shore series:
First, let me start by saying that this assignment is bullshit, and that DVR Assassin is obviously run by Corky from Life Goes On. I have 13 channels, and when I’m not flipping through reruns of Family Matters, I repeatedly watch the scene in Teen Wolf where the guy whips his dick out. So, asking me to review a television show is like asking the one-eyed Sammy Davis Jr. to review a 3D film festival. However, after I read DVR Assassin’s article about how reviving the American Gladiators franchise would improve summer television, I concluded that nobody reads this shitty Web site anyway.
On that note, here I go…
My girlfriend and I are always looking for things to do together. Since she doesn’t enjoy continually watching Michael J Fox movies in an attempt to find accidental nudity (there’s also a scene in Back 2 the Future 3 where a kid points at his dick), our options are rather limited. With that said, we watch Criminal Minds because she has a schoolgirl crush on Dr. Spencer Reid. While I will admit that I wanted to hate the show from the very beginning, I didn’t think it would be as unpleasant as the time I had to see Tara Reid’s mangled tits in Body Shots. Unfortunately, it’s wretched and I have to suffer through it.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with Dr. Spencer Reid, he’s an incredibly good looking FBI agent who went to Yale at age 13 and earned three Doctorate's degrees by age 21. He has an eidetic memory, an IQ of 187, can read 20,000 words a minute, and has impeccable style. And if you think that he’s missing a couple of ingredients for making instant orgies, he also knows magic, which should always result in disappearing panties. If Criss Angel can date a Playboy Playmate, there is nothing stopping Dr. Reid from getting more pussy than an animal shelter.
Yet the show’s writers portray him as a dude who doesn’t get chicks. Throughout the course of the show, he reluctantly asked one girl out on a date. He got her number after he performed a magic trick for her. They never went out again. He had a crush on another girl, but she wasn’t into the fact that he saves lives on a daily basis, is incredibly intelligent, is rich, and has no real character flaws. Who can blame her, right? So, which Criminal Minds character actually gets laid?
You’d probably think it was the Derek Morgan, the well-built dude who takes his shirt off more than LL Cool J, and has eyebrows that look like tildes. Nope, he’s female kryptonite. It’s probably because he served on a bomb squad, played college football, and holds a black belt in Judo. Or maybe chicks just aren’t into 6-pack abs.
Your next thought might be that Hotch gets more ass than a toilet seat. Wrong again! His high school sweetheart divorced him because he’s handsome, a good father, and is passionate about putting murderers behind bars. Sorry, buddy!
The only character who is getting any lovin’ is Penelope Garcia, an overweight computer nerd that the show portrays as smart, funny, and sexy. Penelope dropped out of college and was on the FBI’s wanted list because she’s one of the world’s most dangerous hackers. In fact, she’s so dangerous that she’s not even allowed to travel to other countries. When she’s not eating or listening to goth music, Penelope enjoys playing medieval-themed online role-playing games (I’m not making this up).
Penelope is currently dating fellow FBI agent Kevin Lynch. Like all dudes, Kevin is attracted to fat chicks who listen to Marilyn Manson while playing World of Warcraft. For many years, he was searching for a girl who dropped out of college and hates to travel. When he saw Penelope, it was love at first sight. In several episodes, I’ve watched Kevin show up to Penelope’s apartment in the wee hours of the morning for a quickie. How romantic.
Sarcasm aside, the bad writing and unbelievable characters make Criminal Minds unwatchable. In many ways, it’s easier to believe that there’s an Asian dude who can teleport, or that Kristen Bell can make lightning come out of her fingers like the dudes from Big Trouble in Little China. But to believe that Dr. Spencer Reid has been on only one date in the past 7 years, or that Penelope Garcia is dating someone she didn’t meet online is simply too ridiculous for me to handle.
But creativity comes from not only an awareness of influences, but from a study of how they offend you. If it weren’t for Criminal Minds and other lackluster television shows, there would be no quality television devoted to its undoing. There would be no antiplots, miniplots, and archplots that make direction and story writing what it is. If I didn’t hate Criminal Minds as much as I do, I would never fully appreciate the brilliance of shows that are written by true writers.
I’m probably preaching to the choir, but I can’t stress how important it is that people take some time and think about the television they let into their lives. It’s a wonderful thing that millions of people watch shows like Sons of Anarchy and Mad Men. There are still several shows out there that “get it.”
Unfortunately, “getting it” seems to be the exact opposite of what is lucrative. As a result, we’re left with shows like Criminal Minds, House, Family Guy, Desperate Housewives, and The Jersey Shore. I’d SERIOUSLY rather watch 2 Girls 1 Cup for half an hour than have to watch any of the aforementioned shows. And that says a lot about the current state of television.
Again, I still think this assignment sucks, but I appreciate the opportunity to share my thoughts on the shitfest that is Criminal Minds. If I had to do it all over again, I probably wouldn’t have thought twice about pissing in Jeff Davis’s car.
Nothing makes you sound older than a sentence that starts with "When I was a kid" but here it goes anyway. When I was a kid cartoons were fucking awesome. GI Joe, Transformers, He-Man, Thundercats, Voltron, I could go on forever. Even the shitty cartoons were fun because they featured Mister T or baby Muppets.
When I see the retarded cartoons the kids are watching today I am flat out gobsmacked. I am certain that my friends and I at age ten would spend the entire recess period beating the fuck out of some kid who watched anything remotely as pussy as Dora The Explorer. And we weren't even mean kids. It would have been for their own good! What is going on here? You can't tell me that given a choice between Storm Shadow and Swiper that a young male child wouldn't say "I'll take the bad ass fucking ninja" every single time. So why are we punishing ourselves by putting out this crap, which the poor parents of our nation are in turn forced to watch as well? And, god forbid, if the kid does choose Dora The Explorer isn't that just a sign of failed parenting?
What's that you say? There were always bad cartoons? While this is true, that was entirely the fault of girls. Think about it. Jem and the Holograms? Care Bears? Rainbow Brite? No boys were watching these shows. We weren't pussies like we are training our poor future men of America to be with cartoons like Blues Clues and Kim Possible. (Girls had cooties and watched crappy cartoons, this is why I never talked to a woman until I was in my twenties...)
It might be too late for all of the boys over the age of ten at this point, but we can still save the young ones. If we make a commitment to get these kids on a strict regimen of Transformers and M.A.S.K. we can have these youngsters back to throwing rocks at each other and hitting each other with sticks in no time. I don't know about you, but I don't want the generations behind me growing up in touch with their feelings. Our kids don't have to be pussies, what greater gift can we give them?
I recently read that three times as many people watched the premiere of Jersey Shore as watched the premiere of Mad Men. Now they don't run against each other or anything, but I do feel like this is not exactly a ringing endorsement for the average American. Sadly, I must admit I watched both, but the idea that someone would prefer Jersey Shore to Mad Men is beyond comprehension to me. Just thought I'd put up a poll here and see where you all stand.
The Late Night world was rocked today with shocking news. An anonymous source at The Discovery Channel revealed today that CBS offered them a tidy sum to take Craig Ferguson, host of The Late Late Show, down to the bottom of the ocean and get him eaten by a shark. When reached for comment CBS representatives released the following statement "He didn't get eaten?!?! Errrr.... I mean, we have no idea what you are talking about. No comment."
Many had wondered at the willingness of CBS to allow the heir apparent to David Letterman to swim with sharks for another network. Brent Milton, a long-time TV insider, said "NBC wouldn't let Leno shoot the starter pistol at the Steam Car Gran Prix just last month for fear of a steam explosion, but CBS is letting Craig feed sharks on the bottom of the sea? Something is off here."
Some aren't surprised by this revelation however. Things are not all rosy over at the land of Worldwide Pants. David Letterman signed a new contract extension in 2009 that won't expire until 2012. CBS brass fears a Conan-like scenario when this newest contract ends, being forced to choose between the old veteran or the hot young talent.
Many theorize that perhaps CBS had already made its choice and just wanted to make sure Ferguson didn't come back to bite them on another network. "Hey, if I could go back two years ago and have Conan whacked I would do it in a heartbeat!" said Jeff Zucker, NBC President and all-around boob.
The question remains however, now that Craig Ferguson bravely survived the assassination attempt what will they do now? With these rumors coming to light it seems unlikely CBS can proceed with it's original plan. I implore you CBS, please don't hurt Wavy Gravy.
In what I can only describe as the most predictable result of any poll yet the "Someone Please Kill Them All" option won the poll. I must admit it was actually a lot closer than expected. It bears mentioning that one of the readers said he would bang Sammi, so that has to count for something on her results. Let's hope he wears protection even in his fantasies, I imagine these people are highly contagious.
Enjoy a great clip from the funniest show of the summer, Louie:
Somehow this show does ungodly ratings every week. So, despite my better judgment, I decided to see what all of the hype is about. Here is a running diary of the the episode entitled 18-5-4.
9:00 pm - Sweaty heavy breathing guys seems to be running from something.
9:01 pm - Of course, he was shot by a clown. Should have seen that coming.
9:02 pm - Clown cuts off his finger. The police show up and round up all the suspects. Turns out the killer had placed a casting call on Craigslist for clowns about a block away. It's clown city up in this bitch! The Mentalist drops this David Carusoism on us "They're all crying, inside." Loses something without the sunglasses.
9:10 pm - Uh oh The murder victim had a half-finished game of chess sitting out when he went to interview his wife. Turns out he plays via phone with some guy who owns a puzzle shop.
9:13 pm - The Mentalist guy solves the puzzle stores hardest puzzle in three seconds flat. Fuck yo puzzle!
9:14 pm - The Mentalist and the puzzle store owner begin a chess game. WITHOUT A BOARD!!! Holy shit this mentalism is no joke.
916 pm - Back to the victims house, someone has broken in and they used his index finger to open some fancy safe that requires a fingerprint ID. I feel like Caruso would have hammered us with another shitty line here so point to the Mentalist for not doing so.
921 pm - The Mentalist doesn't miss a trick! The chess set locked in the safe is hella cheap so he figures out there is a key hidden in one of the pieces. It's a locker key labeled 42, but where is the locker!?
925 pm - Back to the puzzle store. More wacky mental chess ensues. Turns out puzzle tore owner also owns a web security company of some sort. He gives us some dribble about encryption being the "ultimate puzzle". Turns out he had commissioned the victim to make the "Universal Hacker" capable of breaking any encryption. Sounds realistic.
930 pm - Next suspect is a friend of the victim who is in a mental institution. He seems to harbor a belief that the "Quantum Overlords" are going to be invading soon. He waits approximately 15 second after they leave before escaping from the entire mental institution effortlessly.
938 pm - One very flimsy explanation later we are at the beach resort that our escaped mental patient has fled to. They glossed over this really quickly as if they knew they were making no sense.
942 pm - They tail the mental patient to an amusement park where he is knocked the fuck out by a guy in an overcoat (I'm calling puzzle store owner for sure!). Two agents chase the attacker away from the lockers after he breaks into an empty locker 42. The Mentalist figures out that the 42 is a code and opens up some other locker. Universal Hacker retrieved! And yes, turns out after they catch the overcoat guy it is none other the the puzzler.
948 pm - Oh shit! They turned on the Universal Hacker and is says "My Wife Killed Me!". Bitch you just got mentaled!
956 pm - The Puzzler shows up and wants his Universal Hacker back. The Mentalist gives it to him and says "We made a few modifications." It's of course smashed to bits. The Puzzler declares he will sue. The Mentalist cooly moves his bishop and declares checkmate. Mentaled again by cracky.
This is a terrible show. I may venture to say it's the worst cop show I have seen that doesn't have a CSI in the title. I highly recommend not watching it unless you hate yourself.
