Somehow this show does ungodly ratings every week. So, despite my better judgment, I decided to see what all of the hype is about. Here is a running diary of the the episode entitled 18-5-4.
9:00 pm - Sweaty heavy breathing guys seems to be running from something.
9:01 pm - Of course, he was shot by a clown. Should have seen that coming.
9:02 pm - Clown cuts off his finger. The police show up and round up all the suspects. Turns out the killer had placed a casting call on Craigslist for clowns about a block away. It's clown city up in this bitch! The Mentalist drops this David Carusoism on us "They're all crying, inside." Loses something without the sunglasses.
9:10 pm - Uh oh The murder victim had a half-finished game of chess sitting out when he went to interview his wife. Turns out he plays via phone with some guy who owns a puzzle shop.
9:13 pm - The Mentalist guy solves the puzzle stores hardest puzzle in three seconds flat. Fuck yo puzzle!
9:14 pm - The Mentalist and the puzzle store owner begin a chess game. WITHOUT A BOARD!!! Holy shit this mentalism is no joke.
916 pm - Back to the victims house, someone has broken in and they used his index finger to open some fancy safe that requires a fingerprint ID. I feel like Caruso would have hammered us with another shitty line here so point to the Mentalist for not doing so.
921 pm - The Mentalist doesn't miss a trick! The chess set locked in the safe is hella cheap so he figures out there is a key hidden in one of the pieces. It's a locker key labeled 42, but where is the locker!?
925 pm - Back to the puzzle store. More wacky mental chess ensues. Turns out puzzle tore owner also owns a web security company of some sort. He gives us some dribble about encryption being the "ultimate puzzle". Turns out he had commissioned the victim to make the "Universal Hacker" capable of breaking any encryption. Sounds realistic.
930 pm - Next suspect is a friend of the victim who is in a mental institution. He seems to harbor a belief that the "Quantum Overlords" are going to be invading soon. He waits approximately 15 second after they leave before escaping from the entire mental institution effortlessly.
938 pm - One very flimsy explanation later we are at the beach resort that our escaped mental patient has fled to. They glossed over this really quickly as if they knew they were making no sense.
942 pm - They tail the mental patient to an amusement park where he is knocked the fuck out by a guy in an overcoat (I'm calling puzzle store owner for sure!). Two agents chase the attacker away from the lockers after he breaks into an empty locker 42. The Mentalist figures out that the 42 is a code and opens up some other locker. Universal Hacker retrieved! And yes, turns out after they catch the overcoat guy it is none other the the puzzler.
948 pm - Oh shit! They turned on the Universal Hacker and is says "My Wife Killed Me!". Bitch you just got mentaled!
956 pm - The Puzzler shows up and wants his Universal Hacker back. The Mentalist gives it to him and says "We made a few modifications." It's of course smashed to bits. The Puzzler declares he will sue. The Mentalist cooly moves his bishop and declares checkmate. Mentaled again by cracky.
This is a terrible show. I may venture to say it's the worst cop show I have seen that doesn't have a CSI in the title. I highly recommend not watching it unless you hate yourself.
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