Thursday, August 5, 2010

CBS Attempts To Kill Craig Ferguson


The Late Night world was rocked today with shocking news. An anonymous source at The Discovery Channel revealed today that CBS offered them a tidy sum to take Craig Ferguson, host of The Late Late Show, down to the bottom of the ocean and get him eaten by a shark. When reached for comment CBS representatives released the following statement "He didn't get eaten?!?! Errrr.... I mean, we have no idea what you are talking about. No comment."

Many had wondered at the willingness of CBS to allow the heir apparent to David Letterman to swim with sharks for another network. Brent Milton, a long-time TV insider, said "NBC wouldn't let Leno shoot the starter pistol at the Steam Car Gran Prix just last month for fear of a steam explosion, but CBS is letting Craig feed sharks on the bottom of the sea? Something is off here."

Some aren't surprised by this revelation however. Things are not all rosy over at the land of Worldwide Pants. David Letterman signed a new contract extension in 2009 that won't expire until 2012. CBS brass fears a Conan-like scenario when this newest contract ends, being forced to choose between the old veteran or the hot young talent.

Many theorize that perhaps CBS had already made its choice and just wanted to make sure Ferguson didn't come back to bite them on another network. "Hey, if I could go back two years ago and have Conan whacked I would do it in a heartbeat!" said Jeff Zucker, NBC President and all-around boob.

The question remains however, now that Craig Ferguson bravely survived the assassination attempt what will they do now? With these rumors coming to light it seems unlikely CBS can proceed with it's original plan. I implore you CBS, please don't hurt Wavy Gravy.


Craig Ferguson nearly getting killed by sharks

2 comments:

  1. That dude is nuts! Jokes aside, I am really surprised CBS let him do that.
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  2. I know! I am certain that no other late night host would be allowed to do that. Well, other than Carson Daly. NBC could turn his death into a hugely rated mini-series
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