Battle Of The Stache

Network television is about to heat up this fall. Never one to shy away from a challenge, Tom Selleck is coming out of retirement to answer the challenge of The Good Guys Bradley Whitford and his mega-mustache. Not much is known about his new show other than it is called Blue Bloods and is a police drama on CBS. So if you are over fifty I am sure you are quite excited.

Tom Selleck remains undefeated in mustache battles, but some question whether he can still bring it at his advanced age. Many consider his battles with Edward James Olmos in the mid 80's to be the greatest in the history of mustachedom. Had it not been for the inadvertent slip of a barber's razor some argue that Edward James Olmos could have prevailed.

Like any great Selleck has been blessed with many such lucky breaks. After losing by decision to Sam Elliott in 1993 the decision was quickly overturned by governing body of the MWA when it was discovered that Elliott had been using Rogaine on his upper lip to enhance the thickness of his trademark handlebar mustache.

Sources close to Selleck say he started training months ago. "He started eating his all salmon and beans diet as soon as he saw the first commercial for The Good Guys. He had that look in his eye.", said Selleck confidante John Hillerman. He also reportedly shaved for a week straight. In mustacheer circles this is known as the "New Growth Technique" and is favored primarily in eastern Europe.

Having covered Tom Selleck during his prime in the eighties and nineties I am not convinced he has any chance of winning this. Bradley Whitford is a wunderkind like we haven't seen in the mustache world before. His publicist insists that he grew his mustache for The Good Guys in a scant two days. He also is rumored to need titanium scissors just to trim his mustache every morning.

One thing is for sure, we are in for a battle of the ages. Wouldn't we all like to answer questions like "How would Babe Ruth do in today's game"? Well for mustache enthusiasts, like myself, we do get to answer that question.